This is the first post I’ve written for URBMN in the past few months.  I haven’t “retired,” inasmuch as anyone retires from a self-written blog.  I’ve written a W File for Canadian Screenwriter, and a couple of pieces for Canadian Animation Resources.  Sadly, this is one of those State of the URBMN Addresses I don’t like to write.

The reason I haven’t written for URBMN in months is simple: I don’t like what I’m covering anymore.  In fact, I actively hate Canadian television right now.  Despite there being little difference between leading competitors Shaw Media, Rogers Media and Bell Media in programming strategies – heavy American prime-time influence, only as much original content as is mandated by the CRTC, reruns of said original content – the three organizations feel the need to brag about the things they’re tops in.

CTV, for instance, brags about its strong lineup and #1 status.  Citytv, for whatever reason, feels the need to mention that it’s growing faster than CTV.  Keep in mind, CTV and Citytv’s parents bought a controlling interest in Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment last week.  That’s like the Fantastic Four and Doctor Doom fighting each other, then teaming up for no reason.  At least Sun News Network is consistently against the CBC.

It’s bad enough when CTV and Global pull the “duelling media releases” schtick.  Every program service and network in Canada has the right to trumpet a victory, but the prevailing strategy for everyone besides CBC, educational stations and APTN is “load up on American shows and pit them against each other.”  That’s been the prevailing strategy for decades.  Small players, like GlassBOX Television, Stornoway Communications and Channel Zero, fight for scraps.

I understand how expensive and risky mounting a television show – even the cheapest, tawdriest, voyeuristic reality show possible – is, but cry me a river.  It’s expensive and risky anywhere.  The Canadian shows that do make it onto Canadian television are relatively few and far between, and come across as afterthoughts, unless they prove themselves in the BBM Canada ratings and/or America.

I genuinely don’t understand why, say, The Comedy Network will program Picnicface at least four times a week.  Shaw Media has a long-standing habit, inherited from the Canwest days, of airing a show across multiple cable channels.  Corus airs recent animated, direct-to-DVD films like Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow on Teletoon and Teletoon Retro.

Those aren’t programming strategies.  They’re financial strategies.  They’re things companies do when they want to save as much money as possible, never mind what their viewers pay for.  I’m not entitled to anything when it comes to entertainment, yet it’s easy to spot when a channel is growing complacent.

Most of my time these past three months has been spent on Google+.  Each week, I see at least three press releases that kill my faith that Canadian television is improving.  Whether it’s Bell Media’s habit of slotting shows to meet CanCon requirements, MTV Creeps, or bouts of collusion between two or more media giants, I find something new to hate about the Canadian television industry every day.

To that end, URBMN will revert to its original purpose – as a weirdly-named, generalist blog – starting January 1, 2012.  I’ll still talk about Canadian television at times, but this site’s been semi-active for almost a year.  I don’t know what I’m going to do in the near future, but I’m not enjoying what I do right now, and it shows in my writing.  Everyone who reads me deserves better.  Stay tuned.

I will be attending the 2011 Gemini Awards broadcast gala in Toronto tomorrow.  I will do at least one special article on the 2011 Gemini Awards after September 8, much as I was active during Upfront Week earlier this year.

I will post some updates at my Twitter and/or Google+ accounts.  I likely won’t do a liveblog of the awards ceremony, given that I will actually be there.  My setup for the awards ceremony will be spartan, given that it’s the Geminis and I’m not being paid to cover them, but I will show my presence.

Expect some content on URBMN proper within this week.  Right now, I need some content.  I’m this close to telling inconsequential poems about cat penises, or whatever the prevailing meme is today.

Over at Google+, I’ve given CBC-related items some attention.  CBC has a (quite boring) 75th anniversary site.  The problem with official CBC functions like this is the sanitized history – here’s Mr. Dressup, here’s Wojeck, hello Peter Gzowski, and so on.

I hope to counteract this state of boredom.  Through the magic of flash video sites and recorded media, CBC’s true history is revealed.  It’s a history full of failed shows, forgotten culture, ignored culture (CBC has a lot of the third option), and great shows CBC did nothing with.  It’s the history CBC would rather people forget.  CBC wants people to forget.

Here are the first thirteen entries in my ongoing effort to provide a better overview of CBC’s 75th anniversary than an episode of Hangin’ In followed by an episode of The Beachcombers.  Newer Google+ compilations will be posted on URBMN every so often.  Check the URBMN Google+ page daily for new entries, as URBMN ‘Celebrates’ 75 Years of CBC!

By the way, I am not paid to endorse the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation like this.  If I was, I’d mention something about Jian Ghomeshi, then take note of a “hilarious” Ha!ifax Comedy Festival compilation.  HFC has a Gemini nomination for Best Comedy Series or Program this year, don’t you know?  It won’t win over Living in Your Car or Call Me Fitz, but I’m sure the nomination doesn’t have anything to do with CBC wresting the Gemini telecast from Shaw Media’s clammy hands.  I’m not cynical.

August 30, 2011: CBC Late Night opening
August 29, 2011: 1978 CBC promos
August 28, 2011: The CFL on CBC, 1977
August 27, 2011: 1979 CBC promos
August 26, 2011: Flappers
August 25, 2011: What It’s Like Being Alone
August 24, 2011: 1987 CBC promos
August 23, 2011: The Odyssey
August 22, 2011: Town Beat!
August 21, 2011: Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
August 20, 2011: The S and M Comic Book
August 19, 2011: The Tea Party on Friday Night! with Ralph Benmergui
August 18, 2011: Double Up

The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour (Action: Pope Productions/Happy Funtime Productions, 2011) is a case study in Canadian television not meeting its potential.  Drunk and on Drugs stars actors from Trailer Park Boys, one of the rare Canadian television phenomena of the past decade.  Amy Sedaris and Jay Baruchel, two reasonably popular celebrities, appear in small roles.  In addition, Drunk and on Drugs is the late Maury Chaykin’s episodic television swan song.

Where does Shaw Media air Drunk and on Drugs, then?  The channel it was originally slotted for, Showcase?  No, Shaw Media burns it off on an obscure Showcase spinoff channel, in the middle of July, two episodes at a time.  That’s a shame, as The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is the best Canadian television I’ve seen so far this summer.

Robb Wells, Mike Smith and John Paul Tremblay play themselves, as they try to figure out why they’re in random predicaments (in a trashed motel room, inside a giant wooden penis) at the beginning of each episode.  Dr. Funtime (Maury Chaykin), who may or may not be a real scientist and/or Maury Chaykin, has created a blueberry-based hallucinogen that keeps the residents of Port Cockerton in line.

Wells, Smith and Tremblay are also kept in Port Cockerton, for reasons as yet unexplained.  Meanwhile, television executive K. Money (Amy Sedaris) is pissed off, as she tries to assemble hours of show footage into something remotely coherent.  I’m not sure what any of this means, if anything.

Wells, Smith and Tremblay play multiple characters throughout the show.  In lesser hands, Drunk and on Drugs would be a vanity project in the tradition of Single White Spenny and Good Dog.  Thankfully, The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is an ambitious attempt at weaving multiple narratives into a cohesive whole.  Based on the first two episodes, it actually succeeds on this level.

Even given the show’s more outlandish elements (the armless Papa Karlson’s Feetza Pizza, the DJs of all-gay radio station CGAY, the geriatric mob family, Dr. Funtime), Drunk and on Drugs is fairly tightly plotted.  If Trailer Park Boys is Danger Man/Secret Agent, The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is The Prisoner.  That’s not to say Drunk and on Drugs is as good as The Prisoner, just that the two shows inhabit the same plane of weirdness.  I’m interested to see how the remainder of Drunk and on Drugs pans out.

If you’re curious, the first two episodes of The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour are online at drunkandondrugs.com.  The episodes aren’t viewable outside Canada, but one can get around the geoblocking.  See?  Canadian television not meeting its potential.  I hope The Comedy Network doesn’t wrap a similar geofence around Picnicface.

This is another first for URBMN: YOUTUBE!  Granted, this is due to Posterous not liking big MP3 files, but what can you do.  Kenny Hotz’s Triumph of the Will debuts Friday, July 22, 2011 at 10:00 PM ET, on Action.  I think I like my interviewing skills in this piece even less than the Yannick Bisson interview.

Dan for Mayor‘s second season – which premiered Sunday, June 5 at 7:30 PM ET – mirrors Dan Phillips’ run for the mayorship of Wessex, Ontario.  Dan didn’t really “win” the election so much as survive it.  Dan for Mayor‘s second season is the result of an almost-across-the-board renewal of CTV’s 2010-11 output, as DfM‘s mid-season decline didn’t do the show any favours.

Fred Ewanuick is a survivor himself.  The Vancouver native is best known for playing Hank Yarbo on Corner Gas (2004-09.)  For three seasons, he was Nick Papathanasiou on CTV’s Robson Arms (2005-08.)  Regardless of what one thinks of Dan for Mayor – the show splitting off into “good” and “shit” camps, with little inbetween – Ewanuick deserves his Dan for Mayor starring role.  Given his early background and acting career, Ewanuick’s taken the long road to television infamy.

The most major news first: Lloyd Robertson’s last-ever newscast will be September 1, 2011.  Nothing’s going to top that, so here’s some news from the past two days that I haven’t covered yet.

This is a first for URBMN: AUDIO!  Yes, you get to hear me ask four questions to Murdoch Mysteries‘ Yannick Bisson.  Bisson plays title character William Murdoch, a detective in 1890s Toronto using primitive forensic science to solve his cases.  Murdoch Mysteries has recently been renewed for a fifth season, the fourth season premiering on CityTV Tuesday, June 7 at 9:00 PM ET/PT, 8:00 PM MT/CT.

Link to the MP3 (Posterous)

Admittedly, I’m out of my element here.  The interview isn’t as in-depth as I’d like.  The whole piece is four minutes long, and edited within three hours.  Hey, it’s out, and I get to use the moribund Posterous account again.  I should have more MP3-related fun within two weeks.  In the meantime, enjoy my mumblemouth.