The 2004 Reviews Section: [Napster], Default's Greatest Hits

[NAPSTER]

DEFAULT'S GREATEST HITS
[EVOLUTION CONTROLLED CREATIONS], 2002
5 OUT OF 5
SUMMARY | CONNER LIKES TO HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS

Am I stupid because I bought this album from Illegal Art? Considering this is the infamous "mic in track"/"Napster Nuggets" collection compiled by Mark Gunderson of the Evolution Control Committee, I probably am aside from the fact that a lot of these tracks would no longer exist otherwise considering Napster's conversion into Napster by Roxio!^® Don't tell me Soulseek's the new Napster, since only Audiogalaxy could compare to Napster as a brand...and they all are brands. Knobs.

Anyway, Default's Greatest Hits. A collection like this is by its very being going to be hit and miss but what a lot of hits here. I could do without most of the "Forced Songs" (basically shitty instrumental tracks over shitty karaoke) since they lose their novelty after the first thirty seconds. Still, one of the "Forced Songs" seriously scared the shit out of me. I honestly think a tone-deaf man with a irritatingly nasal voice and a drawl butchering Billy Joel's "For The Longest Time" is a scary thing to listen to, especially with a layer of Spooky Synth Music^™ over top of it. Beats the shit out of Christina Aguilera's voice over some Strokes song, at least. I also love the bluegrass instrumental over a rendition of "Duke of Earl" and the Japanese man singing some love song over somebody fucking around with what seems to be a My First Casio. Or something. This sort of thing is hard to describe.

The non-musical tracks on here, though, are what counts on this compilation as...well, shit, where to start. I should start with somebody singing "Conner Likes To Have Sex With Animals" repeatedly over a guitar loop, a child saying "I do not like to eat chicken pot pie" or Rappaz In Diapaz (Rappaz in Diapaz is on the ECC site, BTW.) A precocious child with some bloody Willie Nelson fixation can be found on this CD singing about the ice cream man giving him poo. He also sings an ode to his Willie Nelson fanboy status to the tune of The Police's "Every Breath You Take," which is just incorrigible. There are a few stupid intros to CD-R collections like "WELCOME TO NO FAT CHICKS VOLUME SEVEN! HAHAHAHAHAAA" and even a few examples of hip-hop elements (sped-up DJing and terrible rapping - obviously from stupid trendy white people and/or frat jocks. Lameasses.) Really, I'm just scratching the surface of what is on Default's Greatest Hits, and at the risk of over-shilling (ME OVER-SHILL? GET OUT OF HERE! NO ONE EVER ACCUSES ME OF THAT!) I felt this album was one of the best things I have heard in the past year. I am quite honest about this.

Default's Greatest Hits won't be for everyone, obviously, and most people aren't going to find this funny. I do, though. Purposely or not, people left these things on Napster and as such this album is exempt from any copyright issues. People allowed their throwaway 'mic in track' MP3s to be shared to millions of other Napster users whether on purpose or not and nobody owns the copyrights to this shit. Though it may seem this disc is one of those "fool parts with money" kind of affairs, Default's Greatest Hits is the most honest CD I've ever heard. Someone had to go through thousands of shitty MP3 files to find the diamond in a pile of feces. If that doesn't cut through the sanity, nothing will. I just wish Mark Gunderson would hurry up with the final product, though. This "gamma 4/24/2002" version ain't getting any younger here. Way to be timely, buddyboy.

Mark Gunderson
EVOLUTION CONTROLLED CREATIONS
PO Box 10391
Columbus, OH 43201
USA
http://www.evolution-control.com/
[email protected]